By Staff
Brandi Rose Hawbaker was born on March 26, 1982, in Omaha, Nebraska to Timothy and Julie Hawbaker.
After bursting onto the poker scene in 2006, BrandiRose became one of the most talked about personalities the game has ever known. She had a legion of infatuated fans, and a relentless mob of “haters” alike. Just two short years after her infectious smile captivated the poker world, she was gone.
On April 18, 2008, several days after poker gossip site ‘Wicked Chops Poker’ posted rumors of Brandi’s passing, CardPlayer.com reported the tragic details surrounding her death.
“The Los Angeles County Coroner confirmed that her body was found Sunday, April 13, in a residence in the 8700 block of Pershing Drive in Playa Del Rey, Cali. An autopsy ruled her death as a suicide.”
In the article, former boyfriend Brandon Gerson explained Brandi “suffered from a ‘very serious untreatable mental illness’ and had visited doctors in several states seeking help within the last year and a half.”
In an exclusive interview with Rounder her grief-stricken mother, however, characterized Gerson’s statement as “untrue” revealing her daughter suffered from Dysthymia, a persistent depressive disorder, that is treatable.
Ms. Julie Hawbaker, now considered an expert in the fields of Domestic Violence, Intimate Partner Abuse, Child Abuse and Neglect, Trauma, and Addiction Disorders, has been interviewed multiple times by CBS News sharing her daughter’s story.
She clarified, “BrandiRose was only 14 years old at the time of her Diagnosis. For children and teens to be diagnosed with Dysthymia their symptoms must be present for a year. For an adult to be diagnosed their symptoms must be present for two years.
The best way to describe Dysthymia is to say that it’s a chronic persistent depressed state of being. Whereas a major depressive episode or disorder can be as short as two weeks. When a person with Dysthymia experiences a major depressive episode or disorder they are said to have double-depression.
In BrandiRose’s case, back then her doctors believed that her Dysthymia was directly related to the past events in her life and that it was situational in nature.”
Asked to elaborate she explained, “When BrandiRose was 13 she lost a very close friend from her school and our church, and her youth group to suicide that occurred in a park adjacent to the school, and I believe this deeply affected her.”
According to Ms. Hawbaker, the family was also in turmoil due to bankruptcy at the time, which forced them to move multiple times, negatively affected BrandiRose’s well-being.
Tormented by the loss of her close friend a year earlier, an unstable family situation, and what her mother described as her father’s “unwillingness to spend a dime on counseling for our daughter,” BrandiRose herself attempted suicide at her school in 1996, at age 14.
“It was an especially traumatic thing to go through at the time. I haven’t written about the details of what happened on that day out of respect for BrandiRose’s privacy, but it was a miracle that she survived at that time. That is why counseling and mental health care was of the utmost importance for BrandiRose.
Once an individual attempts suicide there is a very high probability and risk that they may attempt suicide or complete suicide in the future. There are some things that happened to BrandiRose that I feel should remain private. Terribly heartbreaking things that no one should ever have to go through.”
On her Facebook page Ms. Hawbaker gives a poignant explanation as to what drove Brandi to suicide.
“My Beautiful and Deeply Beloved Daughter BrandiRose was bullied her entire life, however ultimately she was bullied to Death. In the last at least 2 1/2 Years before she ended her life she was Cyber-stalked and Internet Harassed. She had Death Threats made against her, Threats of Drive by Shootings, Threats of Bodily Harm, Threats to have Battery Acid thrown on her to permanently disfigure her, and Threats of Rape and Sexual Assault and Beatings. Both On-line {on Multiple Websites} and in person.”
No Drugs In System
From FOIA requests we learned officers at the scene found a prescription bottle with “16.5” of the “30” 100mg daily tablets of the antidepressant Sertraline HCL (Zoloft), determined to be “within schedule.”
A Toxicology Analysis revealed blood tests performed were “Negative” for the presence of Alcohol, and “ND” (Not Detected) for a long list of drugs including “Cocaine, Methamphetamines, and Barbiturates.”
A witness statement from BrandiRose’s father revealed a “contentious relationship with her stepmother” and described a phone conversation during the previous week where his daughter ended the call saying she (stepmother) would “never see her again. Yet he recalls the last time he spoke with his daughter she was very happy with a new boyfriend but concerned on the other hand she might be pregnant…”
Ms. Hawbaker struggles with the thought her daughter “didn’t think she was there for her” because an email she (BrandiRose) sent to her on the eve of her 26th birthday, three weeks before her death, went unanswered after it ended up in spam.
In the email, uncovered by Ms. Hawbaker several weeks after her daughter’s death, BrandiRose shared her hopes for the future including the possibility of having children of her own one day.
Addressing the dangers of antidepressants, Ms. Hawbaker, a breast cancer survivor currently experiencing complications and the possibility her cancer has returned, said, “There comes a very high risk for some people, usually children, teens, and young adults with any antidepressants for suicidal ideation, thoughts of suicide.”
Alarmingly the doctor who prescribed BrandiRose’s antidepressant, wasn’t even aware of her suicide until Ms. Hawbaker called him weeks later, leaving one to wonder how closely patients are monitored, especially those battling alone, and how many more suicides have occurred during treatment.
The problem in BrandiRose’s case, Ms. Hawbaker pointed out, was “She didn’t have an adequate support system, someone there on a consistent basis to help her monitor her symptoms, especially when she was feeling low, down, depressed, and alone in the world.”
BrandiRose’s Pain And Final Goodbye
Ms. Hawbaker shared more of the final moments of her daughter’s life.
“Princeton, BrandiRose’s little Pomeranian was with her at the time of her death. Her neighbors in California had told us that she was ‘happy and cheerful’ and had volunteered to dog sit for them that weekend. Even her little pup ‘Princeton’ that she loved so much couldn’t save her from all the pain that she was in over all the abuse that had been inflicted and piled upon her by both the poker community and by her dad and stepmother.
That fateful Sunday Morning, April 13th, 2008, after BrandiRose had received her stepmother’s verbally abusive and both emotionally and psychologically cruel e-mail, BrandiRose forwarded that email letter on to her best friend and soul sister of 13 years, Poppy B.
They spoke by phone over that email letter. BrandiRose told Poppy that she was going to end her life over it. Apparently Poppy didn’t believe BrandiRose, as she did nothing to try and inform authorities to do a welfare check. Poppy was the last living person that BrandiRose spoke to prior to her death.
BrandiRose sat down and wrote her very last Poem (she was a poetess, like myself), and entitled it ‘Too Broke To Mend’, using words and derogatory names that her stepmother had called her in the body of her poem. That poem was left on her laptop computer along with her documented ‘Final Wishes and Last Requests.’
BrandiRose speaks of being with God in her final words and I have absolutely no doubt that she is.
BrandiRose left ‘In My Life’ by the Beatles from their Rubber Soul Album on continuous play as she died.”
Who was BrandiRose Hawbaker?
BrandiRose’s IMDb profile describes her as an all-around athlete who loved “traveling the world.” She was fluent in Spanish, wrote poetry, and was a gourmet cook. She was a natural on camera and first appeared on TV at age five. By eight she was doing commercials throughout the Omaha, Nebraska metropolitan area. She joined the Girl Scouts at age six.
In 1997 at age fifteen, she was crowned Miss Omaha, Teen USA.
She enjoyed camping, especially in Mexico. “She was an environmentalist following in the footsteps of her grandparents and her mother. She was known in her circle of friends to get onto people for littering and trashing God’s world. One of her favorite past times was fishing with her grandfather.”
Miss. Hawbaker points out, “You may have noticed that my Daughter was called ‘BrandiRose’ in her family. She was also called BrandiRose during her entire school years. She was never just called ‘Brandi’. It was ‘BrandiRose’ or her nicknames ‘Sug’ / ‘Sugar.'”
“Her name ‘Rose’ was given to her because Roses are my Favorite Flower and in Remembrance of her paternal grandmother Marilynn Rose Hawbaker”
You may have noticed too that BrandiRose’s maternal great grandmother was ‘AnnaMaria’, not Anna Maria, and her maternal grandmother’s name was ‘GlorieJune’, not Glorie June. Yes, There is a purposeful pattern there.
Even when BrandiRose dropped the ‘Hawbaker’ from her name for her acting she just changed up her name to become “Brandi Rose”, taking on “Rose” as her last name for the Internet Movie Database (IMDb).
Her name comes from the Song ‘Brandy’ (You’re A Fine Girl) by Looking Glass.
Her name ‘Rose’ was given to her because Roses are my Favorite Flower and in Remembrance of her paternal grandmother Marilynn Rose Hawbaker, who had died when BrandiRose’s father was still a teen himself.”
She was extremely talented and played several instruments including the piano, saxophone, and guitar. She was a classically trained dancer in ballet. She was also a model and actress, appearing in two movies, How Did It Feel? (2004) and Full Serve (2002).
After rehabilitating from her suicide attempt the previous year, BrandiRose, at 15, did missionary work and devoted an entire summer to assignments in Fiji and Queensland where she worked in an orphanage and helped build a church.
She loved animals, and although the men in her family were avid hunters and outdoorsmen and taught the women to hunt and fish, Ms. Hawbaker explained “Both BrandiRose and I made terrible hunters because we wouldn’t kill anything.”
She was absolutely adored by her mother and was very close to her grandmother GlorieJune.
Ms. Hawbaker said “While BrandiRose and her only grandma were like two peas in a pod, BrandiRose had an equally special relationship with her only grandpa, ‘Doug’ (Douglas Joseph Michael Partch Sr). So special that when BrandiRose was little my dad sent her a huge box full of balloons and bananas from Omaha, NE to Columbia, S.C., because when we had visited my folks BrandiRose ate every single banana in their house during our visit.
BrandiRose loved getting silly surprises from her grandparents like that. She often would cuddle up with her grandpa, both falling asleep together on my folks’ couch. When we moved back to Omaha, NE our home was literally 4 houses north and 2 houses west of where my folks lived. You could literally stand on my front porch and see into my folks’ back yard and BrandiRose took every opportunity to go hang out with her grandparents.
When we had to move from Omaha BrandiRose requested many times to visit her grandpa at his barbershop in Rockbrook Village, which was in the same shopping center as her modeling school. When we moved back to Omaha again our homes were close together once more.
One of BrandiRose’s last written postcards to her grandparents was sent from Amsterdam, with the request that when she returned to the U.S. that she and her grandpa could go fishing together again.
I guess the other thing that I would probably mention is that BrandiRose (and Timothy II) grew up playing ‘Durak’ with her great grandmother… This game, Durak, was a family tradition, especially on Sundays and holidays in my Volga-German family, as it was brought over from Russia by my great-great grandparents when they immigrated in 1875.
BrandiRose had mastered this game when she was quite young. They play ‘Durak’ in Russia and Europe like we play poker here in the U.S. They also have ‘Durak’ tournaments as well. I believe BrandiRose learning to play Durak at such a young age assisted in her playing poker.”
Ms. Hawbaker shared a story about how BrandiRose’s love for her toddler brother, Timothy II, and how protective she was of him when she’d take him to her softball games.
“She would stick this great big batting helmet on his head before he could come onto the softball diamond because BrandiRose was afraid that a softball could hit or harm him. She would take him to the dugout and there he would pass out gumballs to all of her teammates before the games would start and he would sit there good as can be rooting and cheering for her and her teammates. Cutest thing ever!”
Her IMDb profile revealed “Her heart belonged to the beaches and the oceans.” Her mother shared that in BrandiRose’s final requests, she asked to be cremated and her ashes spread in the “Ocean”, which they eventually were, off the coast of Marina del Rey.
In a comment to a post from Linda R. Geenen, a former poker dealer who dealt to Brandi and Brandon, Ms. Hawbaker explained, “There is much to Brandi Rose’s Story that most people will never know, myself included and I am her mom. My daughter was multi faceted like a diamond, however she was fragile, very fragile. She was a highly sensitive individual, diagnosed as gifted & talented with an extremely high IQ (*far above 130).
Sadly, that often made her an outsider, and many times totally misunderstood. BrandiRose, like most highly sensitive individuals, felt things very deeply but would only trust that side of herself to a very few select people.
She often poured her heart out in her journal, her writing, and through her poetry. She was a social butterfly the day she was born and remained that way throughout her short life. She didn’t know what the word ‘stranger’ meant. Even in elementary school, she set out to befriend the friendless. In many ways, it was her mission in life. She loved people deeply and fiercely, and she was driven by an internal passion and fire from day one. And that light she brought to the world is deeply missed by many.”
Ms. Hawbaker shared a story about how even at an early age BrandiRose could sense when others were in pain.
“The one thing that I can say about BrandiRose’s HSP (highly sensitive person) and her being an Empath is that she could sense when her friends were in trouble.”
She elaborated, “On several occasions, BrandiRose would call me up from school with the code words ‘Mom, can I bring a friend home from school for Ice Cream Sundays?’ It was her way of saying ‘Mom, I know this friend is dealing with trouble and needs someone to talk to.’
She then would bring her friend home after school and nonchalantly said to her friend while they were eating, ‘You know my mom is a nurse and you can talk to her about anything.’
“Mom, can I bring a friend home from school for Ice Cream Sundays?”
Sure enough on three separate occasions three of her friends were dealing with sexual abuse at their homes. Another Friend was dealing with physical abuse in her home and became a repeat run-a-way as a result of that. Two of her friends eventually ended up at the shelter where I worked in Council Bluffs, Iowa called Children’s Square.
One poor girl from BrandiRose’s youth group ended up in our emergency shelter because her dad had beat her and she was brought in through protective custody with two black eyes. It troubled BrandiRose deeply knowing her friends were going through stuff like that.”
On the lighter side, she recalls her playful, “goofy” side that only her close friends got to know.
“It is often that seriously funny quirky personality of hers that I miss most.
I have one picture of BrandiRose when she was little going head to head with an Ostrich at the Henry Doorly Zoo. That picture still makes me laugh today.
She literally could light up a room the minute she walked into it. Even if I was upset at her for something it never lasted very long because she would do something funny to make you laugh, and then it was all over. She would flash you those beautiful twinkling ornery green eyes, and those dimples and her radiant smile, and your heart would just melt.”
Her beauty and charm were undeniable but as her mom points out, her kind heart is what made her so special.
“The Poker Community didn’t see the girl that would shed tears and cry over starving children in Africa, or the young lady that organized a food drive getting all her friends involved in the process to try and do some good in the world. They didn’t see the kid that cared about her widowed and elderly neighbors so, that she would leave bundles of fresh flowers on their front porches on Sunday mornings and on May Day.
The Poker Community didn’t see the young girl that would spend time caring for the rose garden with her grandma and her mom at ‘Boys Town’ where her grandpa grew up and where her grandma worked at. All much of what the poker community saw was who BrandiRose was on the outside, meaning her physical beauty. They didn’t take the time to know who she was on the inside, before passing their judgment on her.”
On her Facebook page, Ms. Hawbaker, says BrandiRose and Tim were “taken” from her by their father at a young age and explains how she was alienated from them both, revealing at one point BrandiRose actually believed her mom had been killed in a car crash.
Her timeline is filled with details of “alleged” physical and mental abuse she endured at the hands of her ex-husband, and the impact it had on BrandiRose.
She shares stories of astonishing instances of incompetence by law enforcement, reports of identity theft crimes perpetrated against her during her divorce that left her destitute and her credit ruined, and an explanation from the U.S. Department of Justice as to why her pleas for help went unanswered citing “a lack of resources,” revealing a broken system that very often fails to protect victims.
She’s also involved in support groups with other parents who’ve lost children as a result of suicide, who lean on each other for comfort as they endure unthinkable pain.
On April 13, 2020, she wrote a post encouraging friends to commit to “staying up all night” with anyone contemplating suicide. “We are losing just too too many of our Children to Suicide” she pleaded.
On November 9, 2012, she wrote the poem “Rose Penumbra” for her daughter.
Rose Penumbra
As the sun sets into the mountains,
In the western Colorado skies,
I search for you.
You are,
Somewhere,
Out there.
As the stars begin their celestial flight,
And Jupiter begins to rise in the cool October night,
I search for you. Read the full poem “Rose Penumbra” by Julie Hawbaker.
Asked how she’s been able to deal with everything she’s gone through, Ms. Hawbaker never wavered in her faith.
“It has been my Faith in Jesus Christ, my Lord and my Savior, and in God, my Heavenly Father, that has carried me through it all.”
The original article was pulled and rewritten after Ms. Julie Hawbaker (mother) agreed to be interviewed. This is Part-1 of a 2-part series on the life and death of BrandiRose Hawbaker.
Part 2: Poker’s Candle In The Wind BrandiRose Hawbaker
BrandiRose And “The Poker Community”
In Part 2 we’ll break down the drama surrounding BrandiRose’s poker journey, the powerful men in poker she encountered, and why it appeared the whole community turned their back on her.
